I’ve taught for sixteen years and it seems as each school year passes, there is one story that gets passed on and on and never fails to give those of us down in the trenches a laugh. I thought I’d share a few with you. Just for giggles. The names have been changed to protect the innocent (and not so innocent)!
Mrs. Ross stands before a class of ninth graders. She is about to begin her lesson when she notices several of the students are chewing gum, something that is against the classroom rules.
“Alright, folks,” she says, “I see you chewing gum. It’s decision time. Do you spit or do you swallow?”
* * *
Mr. Thompson, an agriculture teacher and his students are comparing recipes for making jerky. As they discover each of them has a unique technique, they discuss the possibility of holding a jerky competition.
Mr. Thompson, warming to the idea: “This would be great. Sort of like a chili cook-off. What should we call it?”
Little Johnny in back of the room: “How about a jerk-off?”
Mr. Thompson, attempting to regain control of the class: “Now, none of that. We have to look at this from a marketing stand point. If you called it that, who would come?”
Little Johnny: “Probably everybody.”
* * *
Student stands to present his book report in English class. Clearing his throat, he begins, “I read a book called The Three Muskateers and it was written by Alexander Dumbass (Dumas).”
* * *
Mrs. Sandy, an English teacher stands before an advanced placement group of seniors. Frustrated by their lack of response to her questions, she exasperatedly says, “Come on, you guys, show me your APness!”